Saturday, September 5, 2009

Tami Jo Klimasara: Survivor!



There is no way that I can put in to words what is on my heart and in my mind today, as a 45 yr old mother of 1, and grandmother of 2 now.

I have it buried so deep in my heart and soul, you see this is how i have learned my survival skills. I am what I am today because of the road I’ve traveled and because I have chosen to STUFF my feelings for all these years....

My story does not begin at H.H... Nor did it end there... It has been just a part of this puzzle... Which one day, I will be able to ask our Father God.... WHY? I cannot "SAVE FACE," so to speak, or my story will not make sense. It will not be TRUTH, and how can we expect to get the truth... If we do not give it..?? SO... After a long thought process and prayer, here is my story...

MY name is Tami JO Klimasara, and for as far back as I remember, I was just ordinary, had to stir up attention, and this I mean from my parents. My parents love me of course and provided my needs and I feel did the best they could with me. BUT - Were by far perfect parents.

My mother had her own "issues", and one seemed to be with me for a long long time. She would rage and jump on me and hurt me, mostly killing my spirit as a young girl, but also physically, just plain go off on me leaving bruises and using things to hit me with such as hair brushes and brooms and shoes...of course her own fists. She would rage on me and then tell me to wash my face and go to school.

The school teachers knew something was wrong because I flinched whenever they would approach a certain way. My mother allowed me to see a school social worker and it was just not enough... So, that system also failed me.

I had a best friend growing up, her name was Lori. Her mother saw some bruising on my back once and was in AWE. She didn’t believe this was being done to me by my mother. I was then failed again... My mom of course would see me later and ask for forgiveness... After I’ve been in school all day hurt and upset and wondering why..........If you know my mom you will not believe this story... But, It did happen, and my siblings will tell you it did.

I learned to take abuse very young, so my stay at H.H. was HARD, but, I felt so deserving of all the terrible things that we had to go thru there, they are all true stories....

Yes, we were paddled as young woman,we were restrained to do so... We were hungry... We did lots of physical labor.... We were treated horribly and our parents were lied to. I did not get my diploma after 17 months and 9 of which, I was SHUNNED to speak or even look at the other girls...... I could go on and on about the abuse there...

Bottom line is We need to save others from this cult called H.H. We needed to be loved and understood... Not abused and belittled.

I chose to take the hard road in life and I own up to all my sins... I was by far an angel... But, my parents would have been far better putting me in a foster home for a while to teach me a lesson or two, than to put me somewhere they knew absolutely nothing about. Now as an adult I have major issues regarding trust and anxiety. I have addiction problems and I still STUFF my feelings....Most of all I have no self worth...

GONE, GONE, just like the little girl sent to H.H. to get help. She is forever Gone........

1 comment:

  1. I, for one, respect and honor your humanity, which has not gone, but is safe within, and you have all reason in the world to keep it safe. I doubt it not: you are right and you are worthy. Right in bearing witness, worthy of a life restored in all fullness.

    ReplyDelete

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